Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff-Tier Items

The SORD..... the beginning of it all.

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff-tier is an unofficial title used to universally tag any and all objects that look as if they are from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, or in other words, look really shitty and often times yield the opposite result of what is desired, such as weapons actually making your attack power lower than what it would be even without a weapon.

How to Make

The most common way to make a SBaHJ-tier item is simply by alchemizing the Picture of Hella Jeff with whatever object you wish to SBaHJ-ify. However, this is not always the case; some SBaHJ-tier items could be alchemized even further into newer, slightly-less-shitty upgrades. Such as alchemizing the SORD..... with the Steel Bar to create the STELE SORD.....

Known SBaHJ-Tier Items

Picture of Hella Jeff [Base]

Description: It's a picture of one of the characters from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. You would do well to heed his warnings regarding stairs.
Note: This item may or may not count as an actual SBaHJ-tier item, as it's just a regular picture of the character and doesn't have any reality-bending aspects of JPEG artifacts in real life, odd physics, etc. It's sorta like a door to a toy shop. A shitty toy shop.
Code: WN6?TpMT

Kringlefucker

Description: This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time getting rid of it. But why would you want to? It's the prettiest christmas tree you've ever seen.

pewn (Chess Set && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Description: pawns dont DOO that you chumpstick.

Known SBaHJ-Tier Weapons

SORD..... (Shitty Sword && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstratus: bladekind
Strength: -5
Assault penalty: -1

Captchalogued STELE SORD.....
Description: This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time even holding it.

STELE SORD..... (SORD..... || Steel Bar)

Abstratus: bladekind
Strength: 58
Aggrieve penalty: -25
Aggress penalty: -27
Assail penalty: -30
Assault penalty: -33
Abuse penalty: -12
Accuse penalty: -10
Abjure penalty: -7
Abstain penalty: -5
Description: A surprisingly decent upgrade to the SORD. Still looks like shit though.

hOPY shIT (Dragon Trench Coat && H.E.V. mark V Suit)

Abstabus: foodkind, jpegkind
Strength: -9999
Size: ginormous
Description: the SHIT pile doesn't stop form getting TALLEr....
Code: 01040000

Mothrefukrekcard — Captchalogued mothrefukrek

mothrefukrek........ (Hatchet || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: axekind
Strength: -9999
Description: Perfect for fucking one's mother, or that of a friend.

BROME (Broom && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: broomkind
Strength: 10
Aggrieve penalty: -20
Aggress penalty: -20
Assail penalty: -20
Assault penalty: -20
Abuse penalty: -20
Accuse penalty: -20
Abjure penalty: -20
Abstain penalty: -20
Description: Let's be honest here. If you use this, you're only going to make things worse.

BROOOM...... (Broom || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: broomkind
Strength: -15
Description: What are you holding. What the HELL ARE YOU HOLDING? YUO HVAVE THE POWER BROENHEIM....

i HAVE the card (Blackjack Deck && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: cardkind
Strength: -5000
Description: the sock ruse was.... A DISTACTION

hellzamonzensy cuin (Nickle || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: coinkind
Strength: -4
Abstain bonus: 8
Abjure penalty: -6
Description: A weird coin with the imprint of Hella Jeff on it.

KRAMPISS (Kringlefucker && Fancy Santa)

Abstrabus: fancysantakind
Strength: -9999
Description: Just when you thought it couldn't get any more festive/terrible, you've devised a fanciful santa that clips through walls and pretty much any immediate surface. It also smells like weed.

HAmorr (Claw Hammer && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: hammerkind
Strength: 30
Aggrieve penalty: -12
Aggress penalty: -14
Assail penalty: -16
Assault penalty: -18
Abuse penalty: -18
Accuse penalty: -16
Abjure penalty: -14
Abstain penalty: -12
Description: A Sbahjified cartoon mallet that seems to hit where ever you aren't actuall aiming it. It tends to have a defective attraction to banging your best bro's mom.

gUITARD.......... (Electric Guitar || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: instrumentkind
Strength: -3
Aggrieve bonus: 3
Description: A lopsided green guitar. No matter what you do it seems to always be hideously out of tune. WOAWW BWEE!

VUVUVZUELVA (Clarinet && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: instrumentkind
Strength: -10
Aggrieve bonus: 20
Description: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

DEUDLY FIREARMS...... (Hard-Boiled Revolver && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: pistolkind
Strength: 1000
Description: Are you next?

rifl (Rifle && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: riflekind
Strength: -100
Assault bonus: 1
Abuse bonus: 1
Abstain bonus: 1
Aggrieve penalty: -100
Aggress penalty: -100
Assail penalty: -200
Accuse penalty: -100
Abjure penalty: -100
Description: This thing is so shitty you're surprised it can even fire... but when it does, it floats away due to knockback and weight physics throwing in the towel.

SBAHA CROSHAR'S (Ahab's Crosshairs && Picture of Hella Jeff)

*Abstrabus: riflekind

Strength: -9999
Aggrieve penalty: -9999
Aggress penalty: -9999
Assail penalty: -9999
Assault penalty: -9999
Abuse penalty: -9999
Accuse penalty: -9999
Abjure penalty: -9999
Abstain penalty: -9999
Description: The most legendary, most piece of shitty legendary piece of shit ever.

LAZOR (Laser Pointer && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: Sciencekind
Strength: -234
Assault penalty: -8444
Description: The "lazors" this thing emits travel at around walking speed, and tend to bend off at weird angles after a few meters. You are fairly certain light isn't supposed to work this way.

...SYTH (Replica Reaper Scythe && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: scythekind
Strength: 250
Aggrieve penalty: -500
Aggress penalty: -500
Assail penalty: -500
Assault penalty: -500
Abuse penalty: -500
Accuse penalty: -500
Abjure penalty: -500
Abstain penalty: -500
Description: The unhallowed weapon of the JPEG REPAER

BLUINDERBUS..... (Shotgun && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: shotgunkind
Strength: -888
Aggrieve penalty: -88
Aggress penalty: -88
Assail penalty: -88
Assault penalty: -88
Abuse penalty: -88
Accuse penalty: -88
Abjure penalty: -88
Abstain penalty: -88
Description: You aren't actually going to shoot this, right?

DISTACTION (Lonesome Sock || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Abstrabus: footwearkind
Strength: -2395
Aggrieve bonus: 2394
Abuse bonus: 2394
Description: AGAIN with the socks what IS it even with you and the SOCKS MAN

Known SBaHJ-Tier Wearables

hella JEFF shird (T-shirt && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Location: Bodygear
Defense bonus: -3
Description: he warned you about the staris bro. and now he can warn you on your shirt all day........

SUTT (Formal Suit && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Location: Bodygear
Defense bonus: -9999
Description: FOR CLASSEY POPEL ONLY.....

Known SBaHJ-Tier Consumables

nachons [Base]

Description: These reduse hit points......

Captchalogued nanchons
Message: You eat the nachons. just how HIGH do you have to BE to do something like that?
Effect: Seemingly nothing.

Froot Gushers - XTrEM Nacho Cheese Concussion flavour (nachons || Fruit Gushers - Massive Tropical Brain Hemorrhage flavour)

Nachocheesegushercard — Captchalogued Froot Gushers - XTrEM Nacho Cheese Concussion flavour

Description: A pack of fruit gushers consisting solely of yellow-orange colored gushers with a nacho cheese flavoured center. Surprisingly they don't taste half bad, but the packaging is covered in jpeg artifacts for some reason. Plus you're sure the name is slightly misspelled.
Message: You eat the cheesy candy. Aside from some slight artifacting, they taste great!
Effect: Restores a moderate amount of health.