Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff-Tier Items

The SORD..... the beginning of it all.

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff-tier is an unofficial title used to universally tag any and all objects that look as if they are from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, or in other words, look really shitty and often times yield the opposite result of what is desired, such as weapons actually making your attack power lower than what it would be even without a weapon.

How to Make

The most common way to make a SBaHJ-tier item is simply by alchemizing the Picture of Hella Jeff with whatever object you wish to SBaHJ-ify. However, this is not always the case; some SBaHJ-tier items could be alchemized even further into newer, slightly-less-shitty upgrades. Such as alchemizing the SORD..... with the Steel Bar to create the STELE SORD.....

Known SBaHJ-Tier Items

Picture of Hella Jeff [Base]

Look at this smug bastard. It's almost as if he knows how much you'll regret alchemizing him.

• Description: It's a picture of one of the characters from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. You would do well to heed his warnings regarding stairs.
• Note: This item may or may not count as an actual SBaHJ-tier item, as it's just a regular picture of the character and doesn't have any reality-bending aspects of JPEG artifacts in real life, odd physics, etc. It's sorta like a door to a toy shop. A shitty toy shop.
• Code: WN6?TpMT
• Grist Required: Can be captchalogued from the item catalogue for free or Alchemized for -1 Artifacts

Kringlefucker

Captchalogued Kringlefucker

• Description: This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time getting rid of it. But why would you want to? It's the prettiest christmas tree you've ever seen.
• Code: JPEGMAS!
• Grist Required: -10000 Artifacts

pewn (Chess Set && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued pewn

• Description: pawns dont DOO that you chumpstick.
• Code: 0M2ALYK1
• Grist Required: -5 Artifacts

UNREAL AIR (Skateboard && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued UNREAL AIR

• Description: GOIGN UP.............
• Code: WG4qDIM5
• Grist Required: 0 Build Grist. Bizarrely no negative Artifacts with this one...

Known SBaHJ-Tier Weapons

SORD..... (Shitty Sword && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued SORD.....

• Abstratus: bladekind
• Strength: -5
• Assault penalty: -1
• Description: This thing is so unspeakably shitty you are having a hard time even holding it.
• Code: 0I0Y5nML
• Grist Required: -1 Artifacts

STELE SORD..... (SORD..... || Steel Bar)

Captchalogued STELE SORD.....

• Abstratus: bladekind
  
• Strength: 58
  
• Aggrieve penalty: -25
  
• Aggress penalty: -27
  
• Assail penalty: -30
  
• Assault penalty: -33
  
• Abuse penalty: -12
  
• Accuse penalty: -10
  
• Abjure penalty: -7
  
• Abstain penalty: -5
• Code: Fw2cDtNL
  
• Description: A surprisingly decent upgrade to the SORD. Still looks like shit though.

hOPY shIT (Dragon Trench Coat && H.E.V. mark V Suit)

Captchalogued hOPY shIT

• Abstabus: foodkind, jpegkind
• Strength: -9999
• Size: ginormous
• Description: the SHIT pile doesn't stop form getting TALLEr....
• Code: 01040000

Captchalogued mothrefukrek........

 mothrefukrek........ (Hatchet || Picture of Hella Jeff)

• Abstrabus: axekind
• Strength: -9999
• Description: Perfect for fucking one's mother, or that of a friend.
• Code: ptE!Vp?T
• Grist Required: -1000 Artifacts

BROME (Broom && Picture of Hella Jeff)

• Abstrabus: broomkind
• Strength: 10
• Aggrieve penalty: -20
• Aggress penalty: -20
• Assail penalty: -20
• Assault penalty: -20
• Abuse penalty: -20
• Accuse penalty: -20
• Abjure penalty: -20
• Abstain penalty: -20
• Description: Let's be honest here. If you use this, you're only going to make things worse.
• Code: 002ePm4K
• Grist Required: -200 Artifacts

BROOOM...... (Broom || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued BROOOM......

• Abstrabus: broomkind
• Strength: -15
• Description: What are you holding. What the HELL ARE YOU HOLDING? YUO HVAVE THE POWER BROENHEIM....
• Code: bt7?TpsT
• Grist required: -36 Artifacts

i HAVE the card (Blackjack Deck && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued i HAVE the card

• Abstrabus: cardkind
• Strength: -5000
• Description: the sock ruse was.... A DISTACTION
• Code: W76sHJM5

hellzamonzensy cuin (Nickle || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued hellzamonzensy cuin

• Abstrabus: coinkind
• Strength: -4
• Abstain bonus: 8
• Abjure penalty: -6
• Description: A weird coin with the imprint of Hella Jeff on it.
• Code: i!U!T!sT
• Grist Required: -5 Artifacts

KRAMPISS (Kringlefucker && Fancy Santa)

Captchalogued KRAMPISS

• Abstrabus: fancysantakind
• Strength: -9999
• Description: Just when you thought it couldn't get any more festive/terrible, you've devised a fanciful santa that clips through walls and pretty much any immediate surface. It also smells like weed.
• Code: HOAGG88o
• Grist Required: -12252012 Artifacts

HAmorr (Claw Hammer && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued HAmorr

• Abstrabus: hammerkind
• Strength: 30
• Aggrieve penalty: -12
• Aggress penalty: -14
• Assail penalty: -16
• Assault penalty: -18
• Abuse penalty: -18
• Accuse penalty: -16
• Abjure penalty: -14
• Abstain penalty: -12
• Description: A Sbahjified cartoon mallet that seems to hit where ever you aren't actualy aiming it. It tends to have a defective attraction to banging your best bro's mom.
• Code: W36UH22G
• Grist Required: -36 Artifacts

gUITARD.......... (Electric Guitar || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued gUITARD.......... Note that it looks nothing like the item description.

• Abstrabus: instrumentkind
• Strength: -3
• Aggrieve bonus: 3
• Description: A lopsided green guitar. No matter what you do it seems to always be hideously out of tune. WOAWW BWEE!
• Code: h!7?z!sT

VUVUVZUELVA (Clarinet && Picture of Hella Jeff)

• Abstrabus: instrumentkind
• Strength: -10
• Aggrieve bonus: 20
• Description: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
• Code: 0L6y1mIK

DEUDLY FIREARMS...... (Hard-Boiled Revolver && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued DEUDLY FIREARMS. Are you next?

• Abstrabus: pistolkind

• Strength: 1000
• Code WH6W53IC
• Grist -100 artifact
• Aggrieve -1050
• Aggress -1200
• Assail -1500
• Assault -2000
• Accuse - 1050
• Abjure -1500
• Abstain -2000

• Description: Are you next?
• Code: WH6W53IC

rifl (Rifle && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued rifl

• Abstrabus: riflekind
• Strength: -100
• Assault bonus: 1
• Abuse bonus: 1
• Abstain bonus: 1
• Aggrieve penalty: -100
• Aggress penalty: -100
• Assail penalty: -200
• Accuse penalty: -100
• Abjure penalty: -100
• Description: This thing is so shitty you're surprised it can even fire... but when it does, it floats away due to knockback and weight physics throwing in the towel.
• Code: W32c5Z0T

SBAHA CROSHAR'S (Ahab's Crosshairs && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued SBAHA CROSHAR'S

• Abstratus: Riflekind
• Strength: -9999
• Aggrieve penalty: -9999
• Aggress penalty: -9999
• Assail penalty: -9999
• Assault penalty: -9999
• Abuse penalty: -9999
• Accuse penalty: -9999
• Abjure penalty: -9999
• Abstain penalty: -9999
• Description: The most legendary, most piece of shitty legendary piece of shit ever.
• Code: 076ED300

LAZOR (Laser Pointer && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued LAZOR

• Abstratus: Sciencekind
• Strength: -234
• Assault penalty: -8444
• Description: The "lazors" this thing emits travel at around walking speed, and tend to bend off at weird angles after a few meters. You are fairly certain light isn't supposed to work this way.
• Code: W32c5Z0T

...SYTH (Replica Reaper Scythe && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued ...SYTH

• Abstratus: scythekind
• Strength: 250
• Aggrieve penalty: -500
• Aggress penalty: -500
• Assail penalty: -500
• Assault penalty: -500
• Abuse penalty: -500
• Accuse penalty: -500
• Abjure penalty: -500
• Abstain penalty: -500
• Description: The unhallowed weapon of the JPEG REPAER
• Code: W0424H2C

BLUINDERBUS..... (Shotgun && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued BLUINDERBUS.....

• Abstratus: shotgunkind
• Strength: -888
• Aggrieve penalty: -88
• Aggress penalty: -88
• Assail penalty: -88
• Assault penalty: -88
• Abuse penalty: -88
• Accuse penalty: -88
• Abjure penalty: -88
• Abstain penalty: -88
• Description: You aren't actually going to shoot this, right?
• Code: 0N0KSW0T

DISTACTION (Lonesome Sock || Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued DISTACTION

• Abstratus: footwearkind
• Strength: -2395
• Aggrieve bonus: 2394
• Abuse bonus: 2394
• Description: AGAIN with the socks what IS it even with you and the SOCKS MAN
• Code: btk!TtMT

Conksuck Boot... (Lonesome Sock && Picture of Hella Jeff)

• Abstratus: footwearkind
• Strength: -20
• Aggrieve bonus: 20
• Description: who even MADE this conksunk boot anyway... IMIGRANTS?
• Code: 0G0KLX4D

Known SBaHJ-Tier Wearables

hella JEFF shird (T-shirt && Picture of Hella Jeff)

Captchalogued hella JEFF shird

• Location: Bodygear
• Defense bonus: -3
• Description: he warned you about the staris bro. and now he can warn you on your shirt all day........
• Code: 0I6UHo2S

SUTT (Formal Suit && Picture of Hella Jeff)

• Location: Bodygear
• Defense bonus: -9999
• Description: FOR CLASSEY POPEL ONLY.....
• Code: WH0CKoM5

Hella Dres (?????)

Captchalogued Hella Dres

• Location: Bodygear
• Defense bonus: -3
• Aggress bonus: +1
• Abstain bonus: -1
• Description: this dress is beter than ...your MOMAS DRES!!!!!!!. dont stane it
• Code: d!xFjJdU

Known SBaHJ-Tier Consumables

nachons [Base]

• Description: These reduse hit points......

  

  Captchalogued nanchons

• Message: You eat the nachons. just how HIGH do you have to BE to do something like that?
• Effect: Seemingly nothing.
• cost: 10 artifact
• code: Pw2mALrK

Froot Gushers - XTrEM Nacho Cheese Concussion flavour (nachons || Fruit Gushers - Massive Tropical Brain Hemorrhage flavour)

Captchalogued Froot Gushers - XTrEM Nacho Cheese Concussion flavour

• Description: A pack of fruit gushers consisting solely of yellow-orange colored gushers with a nacho cheese flavoured center. Surprisingly they don't taste half bad, but the packaging is covered in jpeg artifacts for some reason. Plus you're sure the name is slightly misspelled.
• Message: You eat the cheesy candy. Aside from some slight artifacting, they taste great!
• Effect: Restores a moderate amount of health.
• cost: 100 amber, -50 artifact, 50 caulk, 100 rock cand
• code: Twkm!zt?